Friday, October 25, 2019

Resilient

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”
–Carl Jung

If you grew up in an abusive environment the challenges will be greater and professional help may be needed. The American Psychological Association states:
Many studies show that the primary factor in resilience is having caring and supportive relationships within and outside the family. Relationships that create love and trust, provide role models and offer encouragement and reassurance help bolster a person’s resilience.
We have a lifetime of habitual behavioral patterns that we’re really good at. However old you are, that’s how much practice you have with your current mode of living. That’s the bad news. The good news is look how good you are at it! You can be just as good at resilient thinking with the same amount of practice. It’s a lifetime goal and, believe me, I’m on the path with you.
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The 8 Behaviors of Resilient People
If you lost your job and had a family to support you would probably start looking for a new job. Even if you didn’t land the job of your dreams you would take something in the interest of bringing money in ASAP.
That is an extreme example where most people would exercise resilience because it’s do or die.
In the smaller day-to-day life moments, resilience doesn’t always kick in as a reflex. If we don’t get the job we want, or our relationship ends, or a stranger treats us rudely it can ruin our day.
The good news is resilience is not a gene. It’s not an “either you have it or you don’t” scenario. One person may have a natural proclivity toward resilience but it ultimately comes down to choice, and choices are voluntary, though they may not always feel like it in the heat of the moment.
So what do we do?

1. Stop cognitive distortions in their tracks.

These are beliefs we convince ourselves are true that reinforce negative thinking. Challenge the distortion to reframe your thinking into a resilient mode.
Let’s take a flight delay as an exercise in challenging one type of cognitive distortion (overgeneralizing):
What is my problematic belief? Bad stuff always happens to me.
What evidence supports my belief? The flight delay is an inconvenience.
What is a better explanation for what happened? It’s not just happening to me, it’s happening to everyone.
What are the consequences of this belief? Anger and stress have sent me into a tailspin.
What would happen if I changed my belief right now? I could enjoy a nice dinner and catch up on work and calls at the airport.
What are my new core beliefs? S — t happens! I can manage inconvenience better.


2. Reframe setbacks as opportunities for growth.

Non-resilient: I didn’t get the job. I’ll never amount to anything.
Resilient: I didn’t get the job. Maybe it’s not the right place for me. Let me pull my resources together and see what other opportunities are out there for me.
Resilient people recognize the futility — consciously or unconsciously — of fretting over something that can’t be changed. They also look for lessons that might be learned from the setback. Did it happen because of something I did? If so, what might I do differently next time? Did the setback force me to change course? If so, is there a benefit to the new course?

3. View setbacks as impermanent.

Non-resilient: We lost a valuable employee, so the company is going to hell.
Resilient: We lost a valuable employee, but we can find someone just as valuable who may offer a new set of skills that we didn’t even realize we needed.
Once you realize that setbacks are temporary there’s no need to throw the baby out with the bathwater. If you lose one beloved employee or customer, it’s sad and it’s a setback (I’ve experienced it myself!) but it’s not the end of your success; conversely, nor is it the last time it will ever happen to you. Acknowledge the setback and move on. Stay flexible; change is a part of life.


4. Manage your strong feelings and impulses.

Non-resilient: I am going to take my anger out on someone.
Resilient: I am angry but I need to move on and stay focused.
Resilient people experience anger; it just doesn’t consume them. We all have this ability, if we so choose. You have to want to move on though. It can feel good to nurture the self-pity, the anger, and the blame. You can go down that road but that road never ends. Acknowledge the feelings and try to move on. In fact, it turns out when you acknowledge feelings it lessens their intensity.
Dr. Matthew D. Lieberman, a research psychologist at UCLA, found that naming an emotion helps to reduce its impact. His lab calls it Affect Labeling. When we name an emotion, activity in the part of the brain that is responsible for vigilance and discrimination (right ventrolateral prefrontal cortex) increases while activity in the part of the brain that processes emotion (amygdala) decreases. Essentially, naming the emotion gives you power over the emotion while indulging the emotion gives it power over you.

5. Focus on events you can control.

Non-resilient: This traffic is ruining my life.
Resilient: Since I’m stuck in traffic I will sketch out ideas for my next project.
Some aspects of life are out of your control. Accepting this doesn’t make you weak; it makes you smart. You can control what you focus on and how long you allow yourself to suffer. When you focus on the external world — particularly when blame enters the picture — you run into trouble. Start with yourself. Focus on your own reactions and your own ability to influence events.

6. Don’t see yourself as a victim.

Non-resilient: Bad stuff always happens to me.
Resilient: It’s not just happening to me, it’s happening to everyone.
“Why me?” is another way of saying “This should have happened to you.” Being human means positive and negative things will happen to you. If you experience a series of consecutive setbacks, the resilient thing to do would be to look at your own actions and behaviors. Might there be something you’re doing that is bringing on the misfortune? Even if not, know it’s temporary and stay on course to the best of your ability. This is most difficult in times of loss, so I don’t say it lightly but you don’t have to be miserable forever.

7. Commit to all aspects of your life.

Non-resilient: Once I have the job I want I will focus on my family and friends.
Resilient: The success of one area of my life depends on the success on all areas of my life.
The success of each part of our lives depends on the success of all the other parts. If our family life is in turmoil it will affect our work life and vice versa. If we do not exercise it will affect our stamina — as well as our mindset. We can set smart, achievable goals for all aspects of our lives so that all parts are working with — and for — each other.
For instance, we can make a commitment to exercise throughout the week; we can ensure that we make time for our family and friends; we can make a little progress each day toward one of our goals. If you experience a setback toward your goals, set a new path toward that goal; the most important part is the commitment.

8. Have a positive outlook of the future.

Non-resilient: If our marketing budget declines second quarter, we’ll go out of business.
Resilient: What can I do to make sure our marketing budget doesn’t decline second quarter and if it does what can I do to ensure we don’t go out of business?
Cultivate a growth mindset, which ultimately involves the desire to be open to learning and change. Things will start to feel like they’re going your way when you believe that you can effect change for yourself. Remember: you want to be happy, so cultivate a perspective that supports your desire.



Monday, October 14, 2019

Rebel Heart

From: Kristina Gehring <kristina.gehring@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, Jul 3, 2019 at 5:59 AM
Subject: Jesus
To: Krissy Gehring <kristina.gehring@gmail.com>


"Kristina, do you want to follow me?"

Yes Lord I am sorry for resisting you and rebeling against you. 

My way will mean sorrow and death to your self. It is not an easy path. My followers will suffer.

Whom have I in heaven but you? And on earth there is none besides you. Where else would I go?

You could choose to please yourself instead of me.

Lord I repent of choosing to live to please myself instead of you

My way is a lonely long path but Kristina it leads to LIFE. Few find it. I want you with me. Don't turn back to yourself. You know where that leads. Giving yourself away in love is never wasted. See your gifts as gifts to me. Not to people. Honoring my household is honoring me. I will help you.

https://youtu.be/sufQX7NSX2k

Lord I offer up this rebel heart So stubborn and so restless from the start I don't wanna fight You anymore So take this rebel heart and make it Yours Father I no longer wanna run You've broken my resistance with Your love And drowned it underneath the crimson spill So bend this rebel heart into Your will I give it over to You I give it over to You Your love is like an arrow, straight and true And now this rebel heart belongs to You Help me lay the renegade to rest Turn the stone inside me back to flesh And hold me till my best defenses fall And watch this rebel heart surrender all I give it over to You I give it over to You Your love is like an arrow, straight and true And now this rebel heart belongs to You Oh take my life and let it be Yours Oh take my life and let it be Yours Oh take my life and let it be Yours Oh take my life and let it be Yours I give it over to You I give it over to You Your love is like an arrow, straight and true And now this rebel heart belongs to You And now this rebel heart belongs to You And now this rebel heart belongs to You

Friday, April 5, 2019

Processing the Logos

Holly Dear
Dear little dreamer
You have not lost at all
Cause what slipped through your fingers
Has little to do with life at all
Holly dear, the dreams you dream
Cannot be found by the wayside
You should know
In letting go
You'll come to find what you hope for
(You'll come to find what you long for)
Dear little dreamer
I'll tell you this much is true
If the whole world forsakes you
My heart is wide open for you
For every dream that goes to waste
Will find new life before His face
For all you could ever desire
Is what He gives
It will inspire
A love that lasts
A life lived well
And further than you can tell
There are better things