Grass is Greener on the INSIDE

The grass truly is greener on the INSIDE.

That moment was a defining moment for me. Some call it an, 'Ah-ha' moment. Instead of looking at myself and seeing all the things that I wasn't or could never be, I began to look deep inside the unique nature of my beautiful, one-of-a-kind soul and ask, 'Ok, Kristina. What were you created to be that no one on earth was created to be, and how can you become so secure in the treasure that is you, that you find out what it means to live in real peace?"

Peace has come, and is still coming. The more I find out who I was created to be, then becoming that girl, the more my green pasture seems to be just fine.

Holding on to precious truths I was desperate to believe, I picked up my guitar and began to play. I knew that I was loved so completely and so fully, that nothing I had ever done or could ever do would take that love away or make it wax and wane. I didn’t quite believe it enough to live it yet, but I wanted to. I was determined to. And I knew that writing a song that declared those truths over my life—that championed my own mouth to sing in faith, to hear the words, to water my tattered soul—just might be the actual medicine I needed to get to that high peak of believing.

Hoping for something never changes anything, but believing produces action. And action changes everything.

I sat with my guitar, letting the contents of my soul bleed out onto paper.

But God loves me
He doesn't see the way I see
God takes me
And turns it into something that is beautiful
Apparently I'm beautiful ‘cause You love me

I tried to clean up the outside all shiny and new
Worked overtime to thin up and look right
But inside I knew
Deep in the bottom were secrets I thought I could try to ignore
Old ghosts in my corridors never get tired of haunting the past that's in me

Help me believe why you love me
Cause I know you see, you see everything
Help me believe why you love me
Cause I know you see inside and you still say I'm beautiful
You're telling me I'm beautiful
You're screaming out, so beautiful
And I'm finding out I'm beautiful
You're making me so beautiful
And I can see I'm beautiful
Cause you love me

I’ve sung this song hundreds upon hundreds of times. And every time I sing, I let the words marinate my soul a little deeper, like pouring warm honey over the broken cracks of my past. I sang this song until I believed this song.