Thoughts

I was talking to the Lord last night while walking by moonlight in the crisp air and He told me, "I am going to restore your childlike wonder."

Today I was walking during my lunch break and talking to Jesus about how I feel burnout and I really need to get back to being filled with Him and I'm not sure how to get there. I believe He told me that as I live in His love I will be able to love others. I want so desperately to "feel" ok and joyful and happy and not heavy and obligated. I need Him to change my attitude. I encounter this especially when people ask me to do things. I sigh and I don't do it cheerfully. Even when I give it's out of a sense of duty rather than a joy. Lord change my heart! Make me a cheerful giver who lives in joy. I need your help with the kids tonight in childcare at Group. I want to live each day as one you have given rather than in void of nothingness of getting tasks accomplished in flight/fight mode...to slow down and really make priorities. What is going to last in eternity? I am your daughter and I was to learn how to spend time enjoying you and being with you here where you are...and you are with me when I discipling others..building your kingdom, loving the least of these. These are the things that echo my heart-cry. I want to want to feed on your Word. I read some of Hebrews today and it was encouraging. I am so thankful that Jesus is my high priest. That I can come to Him with everything and pour out my thoughts and my heart. That He CARES. That I don't have to have someone else nodding their approval to my relationship...He IS IAM. He is my rock and He silences the accuser. I am thankful for being able to confess my offense this morning and repent. Wow, He is really cleaning me from the inside out. Lord I am so sorry for my comparison today and wanting to be like other people when you have created me so unique and you love the way you made me. Help me to rest in that...that you like me. :) Lord please help me to surrender my selfishness. I want so badly to hold onto it ...Lord I'm sorry for fighting you on this. I joyfully give you my gym membership and tanning. thank you that you are WORTHY of my worship. you are worthy of every little sacrifice of comfort. I want others to see you more than me, and I want you to create your beauty inside of me. Lord, give me a gentle and a quiet spirit...a woman who encourages and uses the gifts you have given me. Lord give me a heart for Allie and Ian. For your GLORY...to live for the age to come. I want to know you so badly and I have fallen so far..into routine, dullness, wandering, smaller pleasures. Lord give me the great vision again. Vision for your kingdom and living for you Jesus. Lord I want to let go. Help me to do so with a joyful heart. To love your people. Even those who are difficult. Help me to trust that you are for me. That others are for me. I want to not be "prickly" when others speak to me. Give me your soothing balm over my heart. Help me to trust you to provide and protect me. Lord I give you this childcare night. You know I would love to see my Mexico friends, could you send them to childcare? Help me to be fully invested and love those around me like you do.